Doubts and fears are a natural part of life. Just because we have them does not inherently mean that there is an absence of faith. Sometimes, it’s as a result of them that God moves in miraculous and transformative ways, enhancing our faith as a result. Don’t use these words as a licence to have fears and doubts all the time without reason; I only say this to say that God is sovereign and can work in any and all circumstances as He wills.

However, sometimes it is in those very situations that God decides to transform our doubts into triumphal moments of faith.

 

Much like what temptation is to sin, doubts and fears only bear weight if we give them a voice in our mind. Do not misunderstand me when I say that doubts or fears are inherently sinful. They certainly can be if we intentionally allow them to consume us and detract us from communion with God, however, at a surface level, often that is not the case. God instilled reactionary responses in all of creation for survival purposes. Particularly for humans we fight, flight, freeze, faint, fawn, fix or flop among other adrenal responses in situations of heightened stress. Our doubts and fears can very well be what allow us to survive in near death experiences, but that does not consist of the bulk of our daily struggles.

I have travelled very little of this world, but I have travelled enough to know that some of my daily doubts or fears are merely unfounded insecurities shedding light on my lack of reliance and submission to God. If it means finances, my relationships or even the menial tasks of day to day life like deadlines—it all sheds light on the fact that the only righteous fear is fear in the Lord and that doubts can be something that lead us to or from God. Something that I will never forget is when a missionary with over 15 years of experience in a monetarily impoverished country said to me that he had never heard of anyone committing suicide where he was doing missions. He added that people are fighting so hard to survive that they would never dare contemplate ending their own life. That woke me up to some very important realities about my life and the worldview I had.

Ultimately, this altered my thought patterns to be less self consumed and more infatuated with the One who created me and how I relate to my neighbour as Jesus would have us understand (Mark 12:31).

Fear presents itself in many ways. Among them are negative fears fundamentally rooted in doubt, as well as life giving fear. As Christians, we know that we are called to live counter-culturally and this aspect of life is certainly no exception. This kind of life giving fear is not just in opposition to our world, it is actually highly endorsed because it is where we find wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). Fear of the Lord is not just wisdom, it is the beginning; in other words we cannot have wisdom without fearing God. In practice, I fear that we do not fear the Lord—or certainly do not fear the Lord enough—for us to allow His will for our lives to truly dictate everything. Please do not misunderstand this as a condemnation of anyone. I say these hard words because I struggle with this and pray that someone may find solace in knowing that they are not alone in fearing they do not fear the Lord as He rightfully ought to be feared. I am on a continuum striving towards that reverence for God just as you are. I know that this Christian walk is about continually working out our salvation, or being sanctified as we know it to be. That being said, I am endeavouring to have Christ as my sole focus and I pray you are on the same journey. Having doubts about how God is present in our lives or in difficult situations may just be where we need to be, for healing to begin to take place. I would argue that it’s healthy and strengthens our faith when we come out the other side heralding God’s victorious story in and through us. For those of us who do not get that luxury, we still cling to the hope we have in Christ (Hebrews 10:23) knowing that the second stage of our eternal life will be well worth it. I pray that we have such a righteous desire to serve God that nothing else in life scares us or causes doubt within us, other than circumstances that empower us to point to Jesus in adversity.

Practically speaking, I regularly doubt whether I am hearing the Holy Spirit, or at least hearing correctly, which defies God’s command through the words of Isaiah time and again. Worse still, I question whether I am guided by my fears of inadequacy proceeding from my insecurities, or if I truly am listening to the Lord.

 

One of my Bible College professor’s wisely taught that all sin is fundamentally idolatry. We often like to think that pride is the root of all sin, however, from the very beginning of Scripture and more evidently through the early days of the Israelites, sin stems from idolatry; pride being the idolizing of self. For example, the first murder recorded in the Bible is Cain killing his brother Abel out of jealousy. Cain idolized being superior to his brother in God’s eyes so much that he ironically took matters (or Abel’s life) into his own hands to attain the so-called approval by God. That’s what idolatry, or sin, does. It transforms doubts and fears into motive-altering behaviour that impedes our relationship with God. Cain’s story is an example of fear consuming a man wanting to honour God (Gen. 4:3) to the point of acting out in sin because he felt that he was in competition with his brother for God’s approval (Gen. 4:4b). Having this framework that pride is a euphemism for idolizing self, helps me understand my sin for what it truly is and immediately correct it (as much as possible) as I seek to be God’s vessel.

This leads me to a question, is this not a constant battle as Christians? Seeking God’s approval and persistently feeling inadequate to attain His approval and falling short? Paul wrote about this very idea to the Roman church in another oft-quoted verse found in Romans 3:23. We have all sinned and fallen short of God’s glory, however, like so many things in our world today, we forget the context, and in this case, the immediate context. Paul reminds his audience in the proceeding three verses that by God’s atoning sacrifice on the cross he offers us redeeming salvation through faith (Rom. 3:24-26). Although we may fear in grandiose ways and may feel like we are letting God down, we must also remember that we have been redeemed by the transformative Gospel of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus the Christ. As a quick aside, it must be said that perhaps fear is the very debilitating place that the enemy may want us in so that we question God and salvation in catastrophic ways. Meanwhile, Isaiah’s words remind us to not fear because God our Lord is with us (Isaiah 41:10). I know it’s the Christian answer, but I fear that it may be one that has fallen by the wayside. We cling to the life, death, burial, resurrection and ascension of humanity’s only Messiah, Christ Jesus, to overcome any feeling of inadequacy because our faith is in God and nobody or nothing else, or at least that’s how it should be.

It is with all this understanding and growing closer to God that I have been able to metaphorically take a step back in moments of insecurity, doubts and fears as it were, and see my intentions and feelings for what they really were and ask the Holy Spirit for the peace and wisdom to proceed as He would have me. I am absolutely not perfect at this, but like everyone, we are works in progress insofar as we strive toward God’s heart.

I leave you with a classic and easy passage to turn to, or better yet memorize, found in Philippians 4:6-7 when Paul wrote:

 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Be honest, genuine and thankful with God and the least He will do is honour you for it in some form or another.

 

*Disclaimer*

Please understand that I am speaking from a perspective of manageable fear and doubt; in other words, not unmanageable like an anxiety disorder to name one. If you struggle with your mental health and fears/doubts are an overwhelmingly large part of your life and they are consuming your thoughts and behaviours, seeking out professional help is strongly advised. Please read this blog with discernment as it may or may not apply to you and your circumstances.