Marge Kennedy, former editor of Sesame Street Magazine is quoted as saying that,

“The informality of family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.” 

I really appreciate this statement because it highlights key things that we need to remember if we want to encourage and nurture love’s development in our homes; first of all, family is a blessing, secondly it’s a work in progress and thirdly, family provides a place to become.

Your family is a blessing:

“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift, the fruit of the womb His generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you; you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.” (Psalm 127: 3-5 MSG)

Day by day, and on some days, moment by moment, we need to reaffirm this truth to ourselves – our family is a blessing, not a burden. When we get distracted by attitudes, behaviours, and busyness, we can lose sight of the fact that our family was given to us as a gift, a lavish display of God’s love for us. We are meant to reflect that love back to those whom God has given to us.

We also need to reaffirm to our family members that they are a blessing to us. There should never be any doubt in the mind of our kids or our spouse that they are cherished gifts. First John 3:18 states, “…let us not love (merely in theory) with word or with tongue…but in action and in truth…because practical acts of love are more than words.” (AMP)

Look for ways to demonstrate to your loved ones that they are cherished and that you see them for the blessing that they are. Be prepared though, it may mean eating hand-squashed bananas served by your infant, having your makeup done for you by your toddler, stepping on Lego without losing your temper, playing a game when you’d rather just read a book or hugging your teen when they get home late after breaking curfew. Focusing on the truth of blessing supports a correct mindset which will position you to love your family well.

Your family is a work in progress:

Over the course of my walk with Jesus, I have often prayed for a better understanding of the “Father’s heart”. Well, as they say, “Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it”. As my faith grew so did my understanding. However, it was not until after having my own children that I could begin to understand what it means to give of yourself so completely to someone who will likely and repeatedly turn on you despite the love you have demonstrated, the wisdom you have shared, and the  guidance you have so graciously given. Sound familiar? It should. It is the path we have all taken. Here’s what God’s Word says about it:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”. (Romans 3:23 NIV)

“None is righteous, no, not one”. (Romans 3:10 NIV)

All that being said, the fact that we are flawed and are living with flawed people should not be the focus. Instead, we should look to God’s perfect example in terms of how He responds to us. His response should then in turn, inform how we respond to our family. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”. (Romans 5:8 NIV)

“Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”. (Romans 8:39) As we receive the grace, mercy, and love that God so lavishly pours out on us every day, we need to give from that overflow to our family.

As much as we may have dreams and aspirations regarding how our families should look or function, and try as we might to fit them into that image, the reality is, we are people in process. Unfortunately, we are likely to hurt and disappoint each other. However, we can stave off a lot of that disappointment and hurt if we submit our plans and dreams for our family to God. Remember, He did not put your family together to be a reflection of you, He did so in order for us to be a reflection of Him.  

Your family provides a place to become:

With the understanding that the family is in process, we need to maintain our homes as a safe place where our family members can grow and mature as individuals, and where you can grow together as a strong unit. Again, the key is placing our desires in submission to God’s and actively trusting that His plans and purposes for our family are best. “For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. (Jeremiah: 29-11)

Trust your family to the one who created you. Rest in the knowledge that as much as you may love your family, God loves them infinitely more. In those times of hurt, frustration and worry, allow the Holy Spirit to speak when you shouldn’t, or when you have no words. He knows better how to get right to the heart of the matter. (See Proverbs 3: 5-6) He will help you lead with love as He shows you how to create and maintain an environment in which your family can thrive.

“In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit.” ― Marge Kennedy