If we accept the term “worship leader” as one who leads others into an awareness of His presence through song, I guess I can say that I have been a worship leader for the last 12 years of my life. Not all on big stages with flashing lights, but simply wherever He has graced me. I have only desired to use the gifts and abilities He has given me to express my worship to Him and honestly it has been a beautiful journey. Notwithstanding this, I can confidently say that the last 2-3 years have been substantially different. God has challenged my understanding of worship and what it means to worship in Spirit and truth (John 4:23-24). When I reflect on why that is the case or what has changed during that time, three key shifts come to mind:

 

1. A love for His Word 

 

Now I know what you’re thinking: Kamoi, didn’t you always love His word? Don’t we ALL love His word? Why is it important for someone who is leading worship to love His word? I hear you – all valid questions! 

 

When I gave my life to Christ I had a deep desire to inhale all of Him, everywhere I went. I found a community that pointed to Him consistently. I started writing songs based off of this new found love that I had experienced, and I wanted to spend hours and hours reading books that encouraged me to run this race well. With all of this, my love for his Word, (embarrassing to say) didn’t also radically shift. I mean, I would say I liked the Word, I read it, I brought it with me to church, it was great – but LOVING it? I thought, it’s the pastors and teachers that really love the Word and are able to receive deep revelation from Him. 

 

This all changed when I prayed and asked the Lord to let me mourn for the things that I once laughed at, and instead deeply love the things of Him (James 4:7-10). Very quickly I noticed a shift. I realized that not only were the words on those pages alive (Hebrews 4:12), but they were truly His words! If I wanted to hear God speak, I could read them aloud. If I needed wisdom I could pray for it, search for it, and find it in those pages. If I felt lonely and sorrowful, it would be the Word that could communicate His promises to be with me through the Holy Spirit, my comforter. Most importantly as a worship leader speaking and writing, leading His people in moments before Him, I realized how important it was that every, single, word, out of my mouth was God breathed. The weight of that became real. He revealed to me that my words or my voice – sure could make a person feel good – but it is His Word and His anointing that truly breaks the yolk (Isaiah 10:27). 

 

2. Honesty and vulnerability before the Lord and His people

 

Anthropomorphism (noun); the attribution of human characteristics or behavior to a god, animal, or object. 

 

We, with our limited capacities as humans, can look at God and apply human characteristics unto a holy being. There are many reasons why this is dangerous but for me, I had seriously struggled with honesty and vulnerability. I had sung the songs with choruses that declare “I surrender, I want to know you more” (“I Surrender” Hillsong Worship). I led many to sing “Here I am, here I stand, Lord my life is in Your hands” (“I give Myself Away” William McDowell). All of this while still failing to be honest and vulnerable before Him. Why? For many years I had learned to tuck away my emotions, my experiences, my hurts and my pains so far away that after a while I didn’t even know what they looked like anymore. I was as honest as surface to mid level depth could get me, and in my relationships with people and with God all other parts that were a no-go. It was heavy yolk that He had never intended for me or anyone else to bear (Matthew 28-30). 

 

In the last 2-3 years I have gone on a journey of re-learning how to come before the Lord; a process of sanctification. While this has absolutely impacted my worship leading, this unraveling did not, and does not continue to, happen just on a stage.

The greatest shifts that have taken place in my life, my relationships, my ministry, have been a DIRECT result of my intimacy, and vulnerability with the Lord in the quiet. I found a desire for rest and sabbath – beyond taking a nap and reading a devotional – but rather time with my Father. As that time with Him has increased, my capacity to serve and lead as He directs has simultaneously increased. My capacity to love people deeply has expanded. And my ability to hear His voice and quiet all those around me has grown.

 

3. He is holy, and I am not 

 

In the book of Isaiah chapter 6 there is the famous moment of Isaiah seeing the Lord in His fullness. He first hears the angels crying out “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts;

The whole earth is full of His glory!” (Isaiah 6:3 NKJV) and he is immediately rattled. His response? “Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips. And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, The Lord of hosts.” (Isaiah 6:5 NKJV).

 

Isaiah had an encounter with holiness. Not attempted holiness, not power masking insecurity, not someone with a title – he came face to face with the living God and was completely undone. God’s holiness required a response from Isaiah and he immediately repented. He saw God’s holiness, face to face with his own unrighteousness, and before he could go out and be the prophet that the Lord was calling him to be, He first had to be cleansed. All of his ministry was a direct response to the holiness of God. 

 

The last few years have been an Isaiah 6 for me. It’s as though after reading His Word and getting honest before Him, I was given a revelation that shifted everything. He is way too holy for me to walk casually into His presence (Leviticus 10). He is way too holy for me to take the responsibility of leading people as common practice. He is way too holy for me to try to please or react in response to those in the room. My number one priority is to please Him, and my hope is that I would do all that is required to do so with a pure heart.  

 

King Josiah and True Worship 

 

In closing, I want to share the story of King Josiah in 2 Kings 23:1-25. Up until this point the now divided Kingdom (Judah and Israel) had been ruled by several kings. While with Judah there may have been more Kings who didn’t completely walk away from Truth, the people of God had become complacent, lazy, and ignorant to God’s commands. King Josiah emerges on the scene as a man who was “a good guy” at a first glance. He kept the altars and priests for the Lord, but also kept all the other worship that was taking place; the worship of gods, money, sex – you name it, and the people of God worshiped it. 

 

This all changed however when one of his high priests found the book of Truth – the words God had spoken to His people. At the hearing of the Word, King Josiah began to grieve. His heart was convicted! Not only was he saddened that God’s people had disregarded His holiness, but also, he was the leader. It was him that would be held responsible. Immediately, King Josiah gathered elders and leaders and before them dedicated his life to that of God’s teachings. He knew that it first began with him. Shortly thereafter, all his leaders and priests followed and quickly, this king radically transformed Judah.

 

A Prayer for Pure Worship 

 

I encourage you to read more to truly understand how radical King Josiah was. Every high place, every temple, every idol was brought down. Even temples that the famous King Solomon himself had built for the gods of the concubines that resulted in his downfall were destroyed! For King Josiah, it was the Lord that was to be lifted high. That year Passover was honoured as he removed anyone in leadership that did not hold God as their Lord. Ultimately, King Josiah desired purity in his leadership and true worship in his courts. 

 

Why am I sharing this story? Other than deep admiration for the boldness and obedience to God’s word, I share this because in my worship both private and public this is what I desire. I desire that I would see God as holy and respond accordingly.

 

My prayer for both you and I is that we would do anything and everything to remove the sin that can so easily entangle us (Hebrews 12:1-2). I pray that our hearts would be pure before the Lord. That we would lean on His grace as we pursue right standing in His eyes and in our places of worship. I pray that if there are things He needs to turn over, that we would be open to allowing that without resistance. 

 

My desire is for a pure heart that produces true worship and my hope is that you would desire that too.  

 

Book Recommendations: 

 

1. All the verses referenced in the blog above. 
   • Hoping that you would spend some time in the Word after reading this! 

 

1. “The Reset: Returning to the Heart of Worship and a Life of Undivided Devotion” by Jeremy Riddle
   • A book that I would recommend to all worship leaders specifically, but also to anyone actively involved in ministry. It’s geared particularly at the front end and back to the worship industry but there are such good points throughout the entirety that really challenge all aspects of serving the Lord with a pure heart.